I have for the past two weeks, been living in my friend's maid's room, in her spacious villa in Satwa. It's a great compound, everyone's friendly, and it doesn't even matter that I'm showering every morning in a foot-wide tiled square with no curtain, right next to the washing machine. The room in which I'm sleeping is still bigger than the one I rented in London for two years.

But you can't live for free here forever, unfortunately. I am but biding my time until the right place comes up, and this weekend, my pal 'P' and I will begin the dreaded search for a new abode, in the marina.

In case you're reading from afar, some of the places to rent in Dubai are incredible - huge rooms in villas and apartments with pools, gyms, balconies and private en-suite bathrooms - but more often than not, people want ridiculous deposits to move in. Ridiculous deposits. We're talking six months to a year's payment in advance.

I ask you, who the hell has that kind of money? Not a 28 year old Londoner, who's spent the years since graduating uni travelling the globe and replacing digital camera after laptop she's carelessly misplaced or had stolen, via another credit card payment. (And shopping).

When I asked a woman at my last job whether they had a policy of lending employees the money for things like this, in exchange for a monthly reduction in salary, her answer was: "Most people take the money from their savings, or borrow it from their parents".

This is the reply I wanted to write:

"Dear nice person I don't want to annoy because it's only my second week in the job,

Thank you for your reply as to how I might obtain a year's rent for a property in a city you've kindly expatriated me into and, consequently rendered homeless.

I've done some sums, and even with my limited mathematical capabilities, there seems to be no way around the fact that the amount I would need to have saved in order to move into a room at a monthly cost of 4,500 AED, is 54,000 AED.

At the current exchange rate, in pounds sterling, I would need to have instantly accessible almost £7,400.

Whilst this sounds ideal, I can assure you that had I clawed my way thus far up the slippery rungs of the media career ladder to your doorstep in Dubai, with that amount of free-flowing cash to spare, the likelihood of my needing to accept your job offer in the first place is slim to none. Also, asking my parents for a wad of cash equating to the entire annual sum of their small-town English lifestyle would seem, perhaps, a little like taking the mickey. After all, they gave me 50 quid to last the month when I moved out here.

This said, is there any way at all you could reconsider lending me some money?"

This is what I actually wrote:

"OK, thanks a lot, I'll reconsider my options."

On top of that, I'm going to have to ask HSBC for a loan, which terrifies me. They've been reluctant to help me with anything since the time I was 18 and spent my entire student loan for the term in one week. Mostly in one pub.

I've lived in some hell-holes in my time (the most note-worthy being a warehouse apartment I shared in Brooklyn, with a bi-polar chick who had a penchant for naked roller-blading - true story, I'll tell you some time) and having come through it all with a modicum of dignity, I'm really hoping our quest for a decent place doesn't end in vain this weekend.

I'll keep you posted anyway.

Posted: 16 April 2008