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Home / INTROSPECTION by Mehwash Khan

INTROSPECTION by Mehwash Khan

Looking forward

So, what am I looking forward to now? It was quite easy to answer this question when I was younger. There was a sequence of events that were natural to growing up and each milestone was something that we all looked forward to.

We looked forward to the 16th birthday, the 18th birthday and of course, the 21st! These were milestones and held significance for us as young people growing up. There was a special thrill of growing up and becoming an adult! I waited for the day when I would be at university, study courses that I could choose, rather than have to study everything as we’d done at school.

Growing up as a good, Indian girl in the early 1980s, I had aspirations that were almost identical to those of many of my friends. We looked forward to meeting Mr. Right, falling in love, getting married, starting a family, getting a good job, and travelling all over the world!

It was a pretty predictable life and the answer to the question was quite similar for many of us. We just wanted to grow up and settle down to a career and a family! We couldn’t wait to unravel the future. It was like a large gift, waiting to be opened. Most of us knew what lay under all that wrapping and the ribbons, but even so, we were excited and couldn’t wait to rip off the paper and exclaim in wonder at the contents.

And, all of that did happen! I did grow up; I studied a fascinating subject at University, met a wonderful man and got married in the most romantic way possible! We travelled, lived in a country, away from where I’d grown up, had two beautiful boys, and discovered the new world of being responsible parents! The measure of happiness and satisfaction was the realization of each expected goal.

Now that all the predictable stuff is done, I find myself wondering about the future. What am I looking forward to now? I feel empowered because I know that now I have the ability to chart what lies ahead of me. No longer must I depend on what is expected. I decide my goals now and they are obviously completely subjective. I learn something new each day and some of what I learn fascinates me and I try to find out more. I have the luxury of time and I can use that to my advantage. I look forward to reinventing and redefining myself.

How that is going to happen, reveals itself to me one day at a time. I look forward to each new day. I look forward to spending time with my parents as I am able to understand them better and relate to them as people who have travelled the same road as me. I look forward to being with my children, without allowing my expectations for them to colour their perception of life. I look forward to add to the many experiences I’ve shared with my husband. And most of all, I look forward to looking forward!

Posted : 12 June 2009

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