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If I was Paris Hilton’s best friend .... - By Rebecca Wicks

There appear to be mixed opinions around town, as far as the arrival of Paris Hilton is concerned. Several people have written to the letters pages in outrage: how dare she bring her lavish ways, corrupt past, designer wardrobe and fluffy little airhead to our shores? Ummm, well look around you. There are plenty of people just like her living here already.

Perhaps it's just her that grates on our nerves. Call it jealousy if you like. Hey, I admit, I'm jealous. She pretends to be all ditzy and dumb but as soon as the cameras are off, she's a polite, well-mannered, well-spoken and incredibly well-dressed business woman, who's made millions from turning herself into a household brand name. There has gotta be some brains behind the blonde to have done all that before your 30th birthday.

She's staying at the Intercon, who've actually had a lot of top celeb guests lately - I myself met Celine Dion there last year. Well... I say met. I actually just sat in the press conference thinking how incredibly glamorous and un-showbiz she was, and what she must have thought of us, in our plastic fantastic fantasy world. I guess the Intercon is a suitable location for Paris though, what with its fake lakes, extensions and enhancements (to the creek). In fact, our somewhat superficial city would suit her down to the ground, and one would have thought she'd find an army of New Best Friends Forever, right here in our veritable bubble of vanity. I hear they're lining up for a moment with her Hilton Highness out there. Although, her show won't be as outrageous as her others.

She told reporters that the 22 female contestants in the Middle Eastern version of "My New BFF" won't be requested to pole-dance because Dubai is "much classier than Las Vegas ... That was Las Vegas and that will stay in Las Vegas. I will not make the girls do anything like that because I respect the culture here."

Bless her. She's just so considerate. I have to say, those girls are going to get off quite lightly then. they can't expose their skin, act remotely erotic and consequently attempt the affore-mentioned pole-dancing, dunk themselves semi-naked in hot tubs, sip champagne, or even walk their little mini dogs on the beach (not allowed anymore, sorry). They can however do lots and lots of shopping, show their love for animals, like camels and imprisoned whale sharks, and eat till their well-toned tummies expand like blown-up balloons. And then, they can get a few surgical reductions together, like all hip and rich young girlfriends do. Yippee!

Even though I like all these things, except perhaps surgery (it's bad enough putting my contact lenses in) I'm not sure I could be a proper friend to Paris Hilton. She recently ditched her Blackberry for a Sony Ericcson because they're sponsoring her show. Traitor. Without a Blackberry, how would I chat to her for free all day while we were getting our nails done in different salon chairs? I'm not sure I could go property hunting for her either - allegedly she might be buying something here. She'd be eyeing up those recently vacated, expansive homes on the Palm, whilst I'd be embarrassed to show her my studio flat, even though I worked hard to deserve the right to live alone with two plants and a reassuringly expensive rug.

Paris and I are just from different worlds. But for the 22 hopefuls who think they stand a chance of fitting into hers. well, I hope they're totally hot and have an "awesome time" in the process!

Posted: 25 June 2009

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